SERIOUSLY BATSHIT..........a dispatch from "The Prophet".........i'm not making this up.........

I went to visit the "I wanna be a prophet of God, like Moses" guy today...........i left with a letter for your edification...........The Prophet asks for your prayers so he can achieve his goal............AND i quote............

"Jehovah is great, and the laws of Jehovah must be enforce. I encourage teh theocratic government of Israel to enforce these laws. As the prophet of the nation of Israel I ask for your support. As the prophet of the nation of Israel I thank you for your support. As the prophet of the nation of Israel I want your support. Call xxx xxx-xxxx for more information."



Please send this guy some honeybuns............preferably unwrapped so he can offer them up in sacrifice to Jehovah............

I LOVE MY JOB.....................

Stak

SO I VISITED THE MOSES GUY AGAIN..........honey bun of the weird........

I dropped in on the "i wanna be a prophet of God,like Moses" guy again on friday........on the floor there sat a Nike shoebox with a unopened honey bun on top of it.........i asked why he had a honeybun sitting on a shoebox........he said "i'm sacrificing that honey bun to Jehovah".........he went on to say "i wanna be a prophet of God" and i said "like Moses"........as i was getting ready to leave, i asked him if he had eaten lunch yet.......he replied "not yet, i'm bout to eat that honey bun,though"..........

Rock it like a prophet.........eat the sacrifices........

Stak


Addendum: Rhi is having some sort of poetry monday thing and i thought i might share a little something.........so be prepared to have your soul racked with pain as a result of reading my sublimely shitty verses..........heh heh....

WELCOME BACK TO REALLY WEIRD..........i gotta new job..........

As some of you may know, i work with the mentally ill..........for the past 3 and a half years or so, i've been working with children.....mentally ill children are one thing.........ADULTS with mental illness are a whole 'nother circus.......on my new job i'm working with adults........i would suppose there are few fields of work more colorful.......

Today,i went around to meet some of the patients i'll be working with........myself and my team leader visited their homes.........i knew i was in for a ride when we pulled up to the door of the first patient's apartment in the projects........a sign on the door boldly proclaimed "DISCIPLE OF MOSES"........i thought to myself "Holy shit!!! This is the projects!! I could get shot!! Where do they keep the crack and marijuana? Where are all the crack hos i've heard so much about? I wonder if I could get a gat here on the down low and cheap. Nice sign".........over the course of an hour long visit, this patient proclaimed "I wanna be a prophet of God,like Moses" approximately 647 times(it was his pat response to every question we posed).........it got to the point that i was finishing his catch phrase for him.........he would say "I wanna be a prophet of God" and i would butt in "like Moses"..........it was fun..........i don't think he liked me stealing his thunder like that........he asked me to read a Bible verse.......i politely declined stating that it was my personal policy never to mix business and fiction....he looked at me quizzically and said "I wanna be a prophet of God".........i finished his catch phrase for him.........

The next patient proclaimed that the reason she always has unsafe sex is because rubbers dry her out down there.........she's almost 60 years old.......and a grandma to boot....i didn't wanna hear about that stuff.......imagine your grandma showing up at the health department to get some treatment for a wicked case of the clap........i know,right..........

At the final visit of the day, the patient told me i look like a Greek God......i knew he was bullshitting..........i only look like that on GOOD days.........



Rock it like your job will never be boring.......be kind to the beloved lunatics in your life..........

Stak

THE BEAST WITHIN.........or Christ my job gets weird sometimes.......

I work in a mental health clinic..........i may have mentioned that previously or not........working in a mental health seems to affect my memory.........well, either that or the herculean amounts of beer i consume...........anyway, it's a children's clinic..........most of the kids i see are simple cases of ADHD........a small percentage have more serious problems........and an even smaller percentage think that all the other kids in their neighborhood can hear their thoughts and know the size of their poops............but those are the psychotic kids, and you can't make light of their problems in good conscience................some monsters are MADE(and they LIKE IT!!!)............the ones with borderline personality traits...........you meet one of these, you won't forget it..........histrionic,attention-seeking,whorish,manipulative, and completely self-centered, they are either extremely amusing to be around........or an utter pain in the ass............they are not happy unless they are the middle of swirling cloud of over-hyped drama...........

But you wanna know who's really out of their collective tree?..............their parents............some of the more weird kids definitely come by it honest............these gooney bird parents have molded their kids with their lunacy...............

Case in point.....................i have a nutty borderline parent who married a guy more than half her age.........this guy is some kind of goth-geek mixture..........black trench coat,molester mustache,spiked mullet,pizza face,beady eyes,black cowboy boots,bondage pants.........you get the picture..............at any rate, i recently had this crazy lady tell me the following....and i quote...........

"My husband has this disorder that causes him to go into fits of rage....and when he's in one of his rages he claws at people and growls and barks like a dog..........and another thing, when he's in one of his rages he craves blood".................she said it to me with a straight face..............and i struggled mightily to maintain a straight face...........apparently, this couple enjoys vampire porn in their intimate moments...............where does one find vampire porn?..........for pete's sake, i didn't know such a thing existed.........

Rock it like you've got some sense..............don't suck................

Stak