Each year, sports journalists engage in the sometimes laughable practice of putting each of the NFL teams in order from greatest to least....the team in the top spot is supposedly the team that will eventually become the Superbowl champion at the end of the season....they call these lists power rankings...the rankings change weekly based on performance.......usually, the teams at the top and the bottom can be agreed upon by most folks.......but things get murky in the middle.........and despite the fact that these lists are absolutely meaningless......sports retards will argue these rankings endlessly throughout the season........actually, they argue about them all year round......it's still 3 months away from the start of the NFL season and these nimrod sports "journalists" are already posting power rankings.......i'm itching for the beginning of football season as much as any average joe, but gatdamm!!!...........
That said, i decided to post some meaningless "Power Rankings" of my own......what follows is a list of things that i think are kick ass(i know, i know it's a blog device...but i've been word-dead lately so it's time to break out of the funk)........
1. MILLER LITE-coming in strong at the top of the pile is my drink of choice.......and it's quantity,not quality bitches.....truth be told, were i posting power rankings for about the past 5 years, Less Filling and Great Taste would've been champion the entire time........extra points for purposeful misspelling......
2. JOE GRAVES AND THE DIRTY LEFT HAND-i play drums in this band.....we rock well.......we got a show at THE FIREHOUSE tomorrow night......you should come to it.......
3. AMERICAN SKIN-my other band......serious ROCK for that ass......the only reason AMSKIN is ranked below THE DLH is because we're in a rebuilding year......
4. SEX-no explanation needed....
5. GUITAR HERO II-This ridiculously fun video game is really nothing more than an advanced version of the game SIMON(remember that one)...except that you get to strap on a fake plastic guitar to play it.........it has recently come under harsh criticism by insecure guitar teachers everywhere.........fuck those guys, this game is a hoot and a half.........
6. MEXICAN RESTAURANTS ON SUNDAY-i live in the Bible Belt and we have so-called "blue laws" which are set forth to force the values of a bunch of Bible thumping fucktards on the rest of us normal people......so you can't buy beer here on Sunday.......but the Mexican Restaurants are open on Sunday......and they never run out of beer..........plus burritos are mighty tasty.......
7. PORN-9 out 10 guys who aren't total douchebags agree.......porn is good for the soul......
8. SILVERSUN PICKUPS- i recently acquired a copy of their latest cd called CARNAVASE.....do yourself a favor and go out and buy it.....seriously good, dreamy shit........the leader sounds like the guy from GRANDADDY..........and that's not too shabby....
9. THE VIEW FROM MY SEATS- i got tickets to the first regular season FALCONS home game against THE PANTHERS on Sept. 23rd.......fuck yes!!!!......i cannot wait.....
and finally.........
10. TOBLERONE- thank Allah for impulse buys in the checkout line at TARGET....chocolate never tasted so good........
There you have it, my week one power rankings.........feel free to discuss or post your own..........these are subject to change on a weekly basis, but i'm willing to bet that some form of beer will remain at number one for a long time to come......or at least until i'm attending AA meetings on a more regular basis........
Rock it like you're getting back on the horse........show no fear.......
Stak
7 comments:
sex ranked number four? below beer? below the bands? at least it beat out sports. geez. Trix must REALLY love you.
look here..............these rankings are open to debate........sex takes up approximately 20 min.......errrr, i mean 1 hour each day...........important sure, but i'm a musician before i'm a bound and gagged sex slave..........oops.......
the real question is why wasn't porn rated higher?............
your friendly reminder dude - tomorrow is monday. there is a poetry thing we do each monday. you have been dreadfully delinquent. Ve have Vays of making YOU spout in rhyme. You have been warned.
i gotchoo............
Guitar Hero championships are coming up here in the Metro. Will you be there?
i'm shocked and amazed that none of you has chosen to comment on Chesty Morgan.........now that's something you just don't see every day..........i think those "Deadly Weapons" are hilarious, don't you?.......
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