THE WINDSOCK OF DOOM..........or a guide to making your bandmates puke while riding in the tour van..........

The photo above is yet another step back in time for me........that's a band i played in back in the days when i had hair..........hair that wasn't growing on my knuckles or my back..........pre-bald gorilla days if you will..........at any rate, that's MARY JANE JONES..........the other fine fellows in the band are Dave Newhall who played bass, Rob Bernier who played guitar, and his brother Todd Bernier who also played guitar.........

Tonight i wanna talk about Todd.........specifically his behavior on the road.........now Todd or "Tippy" as we called him had standards that were a bit different from most folks......let's just say he was comfortable letting his hygiene go way past the point that most reasonable human beings would be sprinting for the shower......and a manicure.......and a sandblaster........

Try going on the road for weeks on end with someone like that...........i triple fucking dawg dare you............my apologies for the breech of dare etiquette........

There was one long trip MJJ took out to the midwest and back........it was a happy time.......we played a record label showcase and gots lots of interest from the VIRGIN records A&R guy............on the trip back Tippy struck.......it was the coup de grace.......we had been practically living out of a van for 2 weeks........Tippy had not changed his underwear or socks ONCE during that entire time span........and it was summer time too..........whilst driving through the OZARK mountains, Tippy took one of his socks off........and okay that was bad.........but what he proceeded to do next will be ingrained in my olfactory nerves for eternity..........he........he.........he........

excuse me for a second........i can hardly bring myself to commit these words to blogdom.............*sniffle*...........

he opened up the side window on the van..........then he proceeded to lift this sock........which for all intents and purposes was a living eco-system of funk......as the sock began to take wind, it became the putrid death wind sock of the apocalypse............the stench of two weeks of foot funk permeated every last molecule of air in the van............

we had to pull over...............

now i've been scared before.......but i have never felt like i was standing at the edge and staring over it into the abyss........until i smelled "the wind sock of doom"..........i hope to never endure such torture again.........

at least it was a rental van............and thank Almighty Jesus.......he used his sock instead of his drawers...........



Rock it like you've lived well..........enjoy your memories......even the stinky ones..........

Stak