SNOOZE BAR APOCALYPSE.........poetry train car number two.......

I exist in this limbo.......nerves jangled by the alarm clock
snooze button having been depressed a third time
drifting through strange epic flights of lunacy
not quite asleep
not awake either.......in between
i slide into the dream fully aware that i'm dreaming
a long journey to the shore ensues
water provided along the way by familiar strangers
i reach the coast and join a church raising party
the ladies give up before the work is done
in the Bible i seem to recall a foretelling of the faithful
giving up on the church in the end days
i stand by in amazement as the beach is flooded with screams
as the creatures of the ocean begin to devour the swimmers
blood stew
then as tidal waves crash upon the shore
fires blaze through california
and countless starlets are crushed under the earthquake decay
the alarm clock rings again


Stak

DEADLINE APPROACHING............gimme gimme gimme....

Well.........tomorrow is the deadline for my "Design My Tattoo" contest.............i have no interest to this point and it's almost zero hour........i can only make assumptions............oh well........*hangs head and walks away*...........

Stak

THIS BLOG'S FOR YOU COCK-NOSE......hosing down a complete moron...........

An open letter to COLLIN COWHERD of ESPN radio:


You secretly want to take MICHAEL VICK into your arms and gently caress his man-meat,don't you?........it could be the only explanation for the excessive amount of attention you pay to him on a daily basis.......this in the very midst of the NFL DRAFT(read real news you fucktard)..........why else would you report speculation as fact and then compare someone to a pedophile as a result?...........i HATE you and i sincerely hope that Michael Vick sues you for slander............because you would lose, you slanderous idiot...................FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!!!!!!

Signed,
Your Mother


There...........i feel better............have a happy Sunday, y'all..........

Stak

A PUBIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT..........for your own protection.........

Are you having to put on eye glasses to read this?.........take your other hand off your junk,yo!............

THURSDAY THIRTEEN.........or how i figured out Rhi is a con artist......

These are things i hate...........

1. Memes

2. Blog Devices

3. Your Momma

4. An empty beer box

5. Memes......did i say that already?.........it bears saying again......

6. Rosy O'Donnell

7. Spoons

8. Squirrels

9. Memes

10. Dirty dishes

11. Laundry

12. Corporate radio

13. Memes

I promise i'll make a real blog later within this 24 hour period............

Rock it like.........aww fuck it..........

Stak

PLOT HOLES THE SIZE OF MARS............i watched flightplan tonight..........

Ummmmmmmm............excuse me..........if you happen to be flying home on an international flight...........and everyone in authority is telling you that both your husband and daughter died jumping off a building..........and you're delusional because you thought you got on the plane with your still living daughter............why in the hell are you riding on the plane with ONE coffin...........fatal plot flaw...........that's all i'm sayin..........

Rock it like you're not Hollywood's "suspension of disbelief"..........think as you watch..........

Stak

COMING EVENTS...............

I'm looking forward to sharing the stage with OTITIS.......they're MCG students.......their name is medical speak for ear infection....pretty clever,no?..........They have a very new alt. sound ala MODEST MOUSE............APOSABLE SCUM is heavily informed by SONIC YOUTH.........should be an excellent show..........

Rock it like you're with the band..........be IN the band.......

Stak

A LOVE LETTER TO MY TRIXIE........my car on the poetry train........

Click on the photo to enlarge it.......


Rock it like you're in love.......do it with passion....

Stak

SO I VISITED THE MOSES GUY AGAIN..........honey bun of the weird........

I dropped in on the "i wanna be a prophet of God,like Moses" guy again on friday........on the floor there sat a Nike shoebox with a unopened honey bun on top of it.........i asked why he had a honeybun sitting on a shoebox........he said "i'm sacrificing that honey bun to Jehovah".........he went on to say "i wanna be a prophet of God" and i said "like Moses"........as i was getting ready to leave, i asked him if he had eaten lunch yet.......he replied "not yet, i'm bout to eat that honey bun,though"..........

Rock it like a prophet.........eat the sacrifices........

Stak


Addendum: Rhi is having some sort of poetry monday thing and i thought i might share a little something.........so be prepared to have your soul racked with pain as a result of reading my sublimely shitty verses..........heh heh....

HATE SPEECH HAS NO PLACE AT RYAN CLARK'S FUNERAL........

Ryan Clark is young man from my area who was one of the first murdered at VA. TECH when that disturbed individual went on his shooting spree monday......by all accounts, he was an upstanding fellow who managed a 4.0 GPA and was to graduate with a triple major in a month or so........his poor family, how devastated they must feel.....there have been lots of tears shed on the news as he was very well liked.........my community is grieving his loss........the funeral is this weekend, and reportedly about 100 members of The Hokie marching band are making the trip here for it.........

Someone else is also planning to make the trip as well........the sick and twisted members of the cult that calls itself the WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH.....they attend the funerals of war dead and carry sick,insensitive picket signs stating things like "Pray for more dead soldiers" and "God hates fags"........in fact, that's their website URL www.godhatesfags.com.......just unbelievable that someone could get it that twisted........and the more i think about it, the more angry i get that these loons are bringing their poisonous hatred to my backyard............check them out on wikipedia, it's eye-opening........

Rock it like you just might lead a counter protest....don't let the loons win....

Stak

PARENTING QUESTION.........degrees of pressure......

Baby Aidan is crawling like a madman now...........at the last doctor visit he sits above the 95th percentile for length and weight........he is already demonstrating a strength of will,intelligence and good nature that lead me to believe that one day he might be an exceptional athlete............in my life i have had regrets having not even tried more organized sports.......i never even played organized baseball once............i wish i had..........my junior high defensive football coach was an ex-professional baseball player...........he played for the CINCY REDS........he told me at the end of my 7th grade football season that he wanted me to play 2nd base for him based solely on my athleticism on the football field..........i never tried out..........because i'd never had the oppurtunity to play baseball........

Is it too much to believe that i may have a sports star in the making?............how much pressure amounts to being the equivalent of a stage door parent?.............

Rock it like hope..........

Stak

WELL OF COURSE............Mudd wins............i love my dog.....

MUDD VS. THE SERPENT............hog nose snakes should stay away from my house.......

BLOG ISOLATION..........no blog is an island.........

Okay, i know the fucking rules here...........i do realize that one must read and comment to be read and commented upon.........but i think i may be afflicted with some weird blogger disease.......i am the anti-blogger.........all of those silly things that bloggers do the generate traffic, i have zero stomach for(enjoy the my dangling participle you fucks)........i HATE HATE HATE memes..........i don't wanna play the game............take your blog devices and shove them up your considerably gigantic ass,blogosphere...........

To this point, i have absolutely ZERO entrants in my "design my new tattoo" contest(i know, that's kind of a blog device,right..........well so what......i reserve the right to repeatedly contradict myself.....and imma use it.......it feels great).........i was looking forward to the responses to that........however, i forgot the fact that i only have something like 5 readers.........makes contests sorta moot...........

I thought posting my bare ass on the internets for the entire world to see would generate some interest..........so far, only my wife stares at it.........

I suppose i should be thankful for the high quality of individual that reads my drivel on a regular basis............truly some fine folks...........but my vanity won't let me............*grumble*

Stak

WELCOME BACK TO REALLY WEIRD..........i gotta new job..........

As some of you may know, i work with the mentally ill..........for the past 3 and a half years or so, i've been working with children.....mentally ill children are one thing.........ADULTS with mental illness are a whole 'nother circus.......on my new job i'm working with adults........i would suppose there are few fields of work more colorful.......

Today,i went around to meet some of the patients i'll be working with........myself and my team leader visited their homes.........i knew i was in for a ride when we pulled up to the door of the first patient's apartment in the projects........a sign on the door boldly proclaimed "DISCIPLE OF MOSES"........i thought to myself "Holy shit!!! This is the projects!! I could get shot!! Where do they keep the crack and marijuana? Where are all the crack hos i've heard so much about? I wonder if I could get a gat here on the down low and cheap. Nice sign".........over the course of an hour long visit, this patient proclaimed "I wanna be a prophet of God,like Moses" approximately 647 times(it was his pat response to every question we posed).........it got to the point that i was finishing his catch phrase for him.........he would say "I wanna be a prophet of God" and i would butt in "like Moses"..........it was fun..........i don't think he liked me stealing his thunder like that........he asked me to read a Bible verse.......i politely declined stating that it was my personal policy never to mix business and fiction....he looked at me quizzically and said "I wanna be a prophet of God".........i finished his catch phrase for him.........

The next patient proclaimed that the reason she always has unsafe sex is because rubbers dry her out down there.........she's almost 60 years old.......and a grandma to boot....i didn't wanna hear about that stuff.......imagine your grandma showing up at the health department to get some treatment for a wicked case of the clap........i know,right..........

At the final visit of the day, the patient told me i look like a Greek God......i knew he was bullshitting..........i only look like that on GOOD days.........



Rock it like your job will never be boring.......be kind to the beloved lunatics in your life..........

Stak

NO TITLE NECESSARY............commentary either.........

PEEWEE............and no this post has NOTHING to do with a penis......

I love football.......almost to the point of fanaticism......oh hell, i AM a fanatic actually........in the off-season, i long for pre-season.......i pay attention to all the off-season moves and speculate which team will draft which player.......i play fantasy football during the regular season......and i faithfully hitch my hopes to the one-wheeled wagon that is THE ATLANTA FALCONS.........yep, imma fanatic......

I think the reason i love football so much is the oppurtunity to live vicariously through the players, experience their triumphs and failures if you will......i played the game once upon a time....and NFL and college ball helps me relive my days playing rec. league and junior high ball.......

Sadly, i never once had the oppurtunity to play on a winning team......every team i played on was the rebirth(or afterbirth maybe) of the Bad News Bears,only they were football teams instead of baseball teams..........i excelled to a point within these failed organizations......but as they say "there is no I in team"......i was hampered by the fact that i was never a very big guy also......

I remember when i played on my first team at 6 or 7.......we were THE BULLDOGS.......but as poorly coached as we were, it would've made more sense to call us THE BULLSHIT........my family was poor at the time, so instead of cleats, i had to wear my regular tennis shoes...they were Payless specials or "catheads" as everyone called them.........not even real Chuck Taylors..........and they always flew off when i ran............our stupid coaches had me running alot as i played half-back and returned kickoffs.........on the first play of the season as i ran back a kickoff, i was hit from two sides and upended.......my left shoe must've flown 30 feet..........i was mortified........i'm not sure if we won a single game that season.........

My skill and fearlessness had increased exponentially by the time i reached 7th grade......i played free safety(roverback)for TABOR JUNIOR HIGH in Warner Robins,GA.......and i was a starter........i think i missed 4 tackles all season.......but i made those tackles at the expense of my body.........at something around 5ft tall and less than 120lbs, i was not intimidating to opposing running backs......so instead of trying to evade my tackles, they ran straight at me.....it hurt...........but most of the time i made the tackle........even if the guy that just flattened me outweighed me by a hundred lbs.........

The following season, i turned around at the door of the gym on the day of football tryouts......not too long after that i picked up drums.......now I'M the one doing the brutalizing..........

And i've gotten great pleasure out of watching the exploits of others on the field........NFL and college to be sure.......but most notably my son, who has enjoyed success on his rec. league football teams..........

Rock it like a FALCONS fan........NEVER give up on the ones you love.........

Stak

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL MY PEEPS!!.........or to quote Paris Hilton, "That's hot".......

The sex faces on the bunnies made me giggle............


Rock it like you're a marshmallow pornographer........sex your peeps.......

Stak

I COULD USE A SHOUT OUT RIGHT ABOUT NOW.........

while things seem to be going well, i'm feeling low...............


can i get a shout out?...............


i need it....................



i really really need it............

Stak

SHEER MOVIE-GOING PLEASURE............gore,violence and sex make me giddy.......

ONCE AGAIN,I'M SHOWING MY ASS..........what's new,right?.......

it has cake on it at least..............actually, that's a Napolean(i know, appropriate) from Sunshine Bakery..........tasty stuff........of course, i threw it out and drank a beer instead.........no ass confections for me............anyway, this is for you,Rhi........you wretch..........

*hanging my head.........it's only a short jump from here to internet porn*

Stak

TATTOOED NATION.........a contest..........

I've been thinking...........in this time of transition, i want something to commemorate the change........i have some tattoos........they are all strictly black work..........i want more(because everyone knows tattoos are addictive).........Lord knows i've got to work hard with all the current musicians who all seem to have full sleeves and Hepatitis C..........gotta keep up with the Jonses after all.........

So here's what i'm proposing..........design my next tattoo.......i know at least 2 of my 3 regular readers are graphic artists(I may need your help,Rhi to get the word out if i want more than two entries).......i will wear the winner's entry on my body for the rest of my life........in return, they win a JOE GRAVES AND THE DIRTY LEFT HAND cd,T-shirt,button and sticker.......additionally, they will receive a reserved copy of the next DIRTY LEFT HAND cd scheduled to drop any time now and a reserved copy of the AMERICAN SKIN cd scheduled to drop at the end of this month......that's a helluva prize package.......

Thematically, i'm thinking a Phoenix rising sorta deal.........strictly black work.......approximately 4 by 4 inches to handily fit on my right deltoid..........

Let's see whatcha got friends!...........

Rock it like you want new ink......beg for good art because you aint about to put any old template from the tattoo parlor on your body..........

Stak

R.I.P. CAPTAIN AMERICA............

OYSTER ROAST..........or how my son became the world champion of vomit........

Rock it like you're eatin' em raw.......only try not to gag.........

Stak