As some of you may know, i work with the mentally ill..........for the past 3 and a half years or so, i've been working with children.....mentally ill children are one thing.........ADULTS with mental illness are a whole 'nother circus.......on my new job i'm working with adults........i would suppose there are few fields of work more colorful.......
Today,i went around to meet some of the patients i'll be working with........myself and my team leader visited their homes.........i knew i was in for a ride when we pulled up to the door of the first patient's apartment in the projects........a sign on the door boldly proclaimed "DISCIPLE OF MOSES"........i thought to myself "Holy shit!!! This is the projects!! I could get shot!! Where do they keep the crack and marijuana? Where are all the crack hos i've heard so much about? I wonder if I could get a gat here on the down low and cheap. Nice sign".........over the course of an hour long visit, this patient proclaimed "I wanna be a prophet of God,like Moses" approximately 647 times(it was his pat response to every question we posed).........it got to the point that i was finishing his catch phrase for him.........he would say "I wanna be a prophet of God" and i would butt in "like Moses"..........it was fun..........i don't think he liked me stealing his thunder like that........he asked me to read a Bible verse.......i politely declined stating that it was my personal policy never to mix business and fiction....he looked at me quizzically and said "I wanna be a prophet of God".........i finished his catch phrase for him.........
The next patient proclaimed that the reason she always has unsafe sex is because rubbers dry her out down there.........she's almost 60 years old.......and a grandma to boot....i didn't wanna hear about that stuff.......imagine your grandma showing up at the health department to get some treatment for a wicked case of the clap........i know,right..........
At the final visit of the day, the patient told me i look like a Greek God......i knew he was bullshitting..........i only look like that on GOOD days.........
Rock it like your job will never be boring.......be kind to the beloved lunatics in your life..........
Stak
6 comments:
Am I on your caseload?
If you're planning on coming by here, please let me know so that I can straighten up a little bit. I've been sick and you won't be able to open the front door because of the tremendous pile of snotty tissues in front of it.
I know, I'm disgusting.
i swear to Moses............if you were on my caseload, i'd get fired......
I can imagine these experiences will provide you with enough wacky material to write about 10 novels. Prophet of God... isn't God a pretty tough boss? I'd rather run my own business.
God is raking that guy over the coals about the fact that he regularly screws crack whores............it's the lone road block to this cat actually becoming a prophet...........
Hahaha, that's too funny. But maybe screwing crack whores is the path to enlightenment, who really knows? Maybe he is more enlightened than us, the cat too for that matter...
No what's worse than a 60 year old woman saying stuff about having unprotected sex and condoms drying her out would be her dropping trou and SHOWING you how they dry her out.
Things always can be worse...
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